About Ilene Val-Essen, Ph.D.

r. Val-Essen is a leader in the field of parent education and a frequent speaker at national and international conferences. She is the creator of the Quality Parenting program, presented to parents, teachers and therapists in the US, Europe, and Asia.

Her book for parents, Bring Out The Best — In Your Child And Yourself, is based on that program; it was awarded the National Parenting Center’s Seal of Approval for 2001. Dr. Val-Essen is also a Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Los Angeles, CA, helping families, couples, and individuals of all ages.

* To learn more about Dr. Val-Essen’s work as a therapist, see Marriage & Family Therapy

made a promise to myself that first moment when I felt a new life stirring inside my body. Overwhelmed by feelings of awe and love, I promised that I would become the very best parent I could be.

Then came reality. My son was a joy and I loved him immensely, but he was a real child: he fussed, whined and rebelled at times and tested my patience. In dark moments I would find myself wondering, “Why is it so difficult? Do I have what it takes to be a mother?”

I kept thinking, “If I’m having such a hard time now, what will it be like when he’s a teenager?”

Ashamed to admit I needed help, I found a way to save face: I would put my skills as a teacher to work and learn how to lead a parenting class. The program I learned did wonders for our family and for the parents I taught. Yet I realized there was something missing.

Parents like me became skillful, yet under stress we’d “lose it” emotionally and resort to yelling and threats. At those times, we were unable to use our skills. The ideal of mutual respect went out the window.

And it wasn’t just some parents; virtually all would go out of control at times, either acting like an aggressive dictator or giving up and becoming a doormat. Here was a major roadblock to effective parenting, yet I had no idea what to do about it.

Some years later, I was introduced to Psychosynthesis, a transpersonal approach to psychology. It felt like a light suddenly illuminating parts of human nature. Among other things, I began to see why we “lose it,” and what to do about it. And it opened my eyes to the surprising power of attitudes. I realized that difficult behavior is a cry for help. Children want to become their best—and they need our help to do it. We’re on the same team.

As I conducted research for a Ph.D. and during years of practice as therapist and parent educator, I gradually applied my learning and experience to the creation of a new program: Quality Parenting. It’s purpose: to help parents and teachers create an environment that brings out the best in everyone: a family or classroom based on mutual respect.

More than twenty-five years later, I’m still learning from parents and teachers in many parts of the world — and most of all, from children and teens themselves. Helping families to bring out the best is more than a profession; it is my lifelong passion.